When we picture an anxious child, we usually imagine a kid who is quiet, clingy or visibly worried. But anxiety in children often looks very different from that. In fact, some of the most common signs of anxiety are the ones parents are most likely to read as something else.

When “acting out” is really worry

Big behaviors are one of the most commonly missed signs. A child who melts down, argues or pushes limits may not be trying to be difficult at all. Often they are uncertain about how a parent is going to respond, and that uncertainty feels unbearable. Acting out can be a way to make the unknown known, even if the result is a consequence.

The same is true for what looks like intentional lying. A child who is unsure what will happen if they tell the truth may say whatever feels safest in the moment. That is less about dishonesty and more about fear of an unpredictable outcome.

When the body is doing the talking

Anxiety lives in the body, especially for kids. Watch for:

• Stomach aches or headaches that show up before school, activities or separations
• Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
• “Stress eating,” especially reaching for highly palatable snacks and sweets

These complaints are real. The discomfort is not made up, even when a doctor finds nothing medically wrong.

When the same question keeps coming back

“Are you picking me up today?” “What time?” “Are you sure?” Asking the same question over and over is a classic sign that a child is trying to manage a worry. The reassurance helps for a moment, then the worry comes right back.

The myth we’d love to bust

Many parents wait for their child to say, “I’m anxious about something.” But most kids can’t do that. They don’t yet have the words to name what they’re feeling. Instead, their body and brain find their own ways to cope, and those ways are often the behaviors, sleep problems and stomach aches above.

Kids need a grown-up who can act as an interpreter: someone who notices the signs, puts language to the feeling and gives them a way (often through play) to express it.

If some of these signs sound familiar, you’re not alone, and you’re not doing anything wrong. If these signs are showing up often or getting in the way of school and family life, our child therapists can help. Call our intake team at 913-229-5691.