Your child chatters nonstop at home, then freezes at school, at a birthday party or when a neighbor says hello. If that sounds familiar, your child may have selective mutism. The good news: selective mutism is very treatable, especially when parents, teachers and therapists work together.

Selective mutism is anxiety, not stubbornness

Selective mutism is a social-communication anxiety disorder. More than 90% of children with selective mutism also have social anxiety. A child with selective mutism isn't choosing to be silent or trying to control the room. In certain settings, their anxiety is so high that speaking, and sometimes even pointing or nodding, feels impossible.

That's why selective mutism is often misunderstood. Well-meaning adults may answer for the child, push them to "just say hi," or label them shy or defiant. Without meaning to, these responses can keep the silence going.

Communication comes in stages

Children with selective mutism usually move through stages, and they can be in different stages in different places:

• Not communicating: the child may freeze, look blank or not respond at all, often in new or high-pressure settings.
• Nonverbal communication: pointing, nodding, writing or handing someone a note.
• Verbal communication: sounds, whispers, then words, first with family and a few trusted people.

Treatment meets your child where they are and helps them take the next small step, setting by setting.

What helps: lower the pressure, not the expectations

The goal of treatment isn't to make a child talk. It's to lower anxiety, build confidence and make communication feel safe. Here are a few things that help at home and school:

• Take the spotlight off speaking. Play side by side, talk "around" your child and use toys or activities as the focus. Avoid staring or waiting expectantly for an answer.
• Give choices and control. Ask questions your child can answer with a point or a choice ("Do you want the red one or the blue one?"). Children with selective mutism feel safer when they have some control.
• Allow plenty of wait time. Don't jump in and answer for your child. A calm pause tells them you believe they can respond.
• Celebrate quietly. When your child speaks, respond warmly but naturally. A big reaction can raise anxiety.
• Prepare for new situations. Arrive early, preview who will be there and practice what might be asked.
• Never force eye contact. It comes naturally as comfort grows.

How therapy helps

In therapy, we use play-based, step-by-step approaches. Games like "Hi/Bye," interview games, whisper buddies and brave-talk practice help a child move from nonverbal to verbal communication. We also coach parents and work with schools, so progress carries over into the classroom.

We also look at what keeps the silence going: misunderstandings, stressful transitions, or adults speaking for the child. Changing those patterns is often where the biggest gains happen.

Selective mutism treatment near you

If your child talks freely at home but goes quiet in other places, you don't have to wait for them to outgrow it. Fox Child & Family Therapy helps children with selective mutism at our Overland Park and Olathe offices, and in Kansas City, Liberty and Gladstone. Learn more about our selective mutism therapy and child anxiety counseling or read our earlier post on understanding selective mutism.

Call our intake team at 913-229-5691.