What To Do If Your Older Child is Jealous of Their Younger Sibling

For a while, your perfect little family included yourself, your partner, and your baby.

You and your partner were ecstatic when you found out you had another baby on the way. You couldn’t wait for your firstborn to step into the role of the older sibling.

But when you gave them what you thought was good news, their reaction wasn’t what you expected. Instead of being happy, they got upset and threw a temper tantrum.

Fast forward, and you’re now a family of four consisting of you, your partner, and two kids. You thought you did what you could to help ease the transition into welcoming another child, but you still notice signs of jealousy.

What you’re experiencing is completely normal and even pretty common. We’re here to help. This is what to do if your older child is jealous of their younger sibling.

Avoid the Comparison Game

It’s highly unlikely that your children will both be good at the same things. Your younger child could develop quicker in some areas and slower than others compared to your firstborn. Try to avoid playing the comparison game between your children. If you notice that your older child is beginning to compare themselves to their younger sibling, try to redirect the comparison back to themselves. You can have them compare their height, writing, reading, spelling, or speed compared to a previous month or year instead.

Allow Your Child to Feel

Jealousy is a completely common and normal human emotion. It’s just as common as happiness, sadness, and anger. If your child is feeling a bit jealous, allow them to feel what they’re feeling. Don’t try to downplay or dismiss their emotions and feelings. This can only lead to worsening feelings down the road. Allow them to feel what they’re feeling and acknowledge it in a calm way. You can even let them know that their feelings are valid and normal.

Set One on One Time

Adding another member to the family can be a huge change for everyone, especially your firstborn. They were once the only child. You and your partner’s attention was solely focused on them and their wants and needs. Now that you have another child in the mix, your attention and time are divided. They may be feeling like they’re not getting enough attention now that you’re constantly holding, feeding, or monitoring the newborn. They may even start regressing and acting like a baby themselves again as a way to seek more attention.

To avoid this, try to set up one-on-one time. You can do this by scheduling dates that don’t involve both children. Make sure each child has their own day filled with activities that are in line with their hobbies and interests.

Next Steps

If your older child is having a hard time adjusting to life with a new sibling, they and you aren’t alone. This is an extremely common occurrence in most families. Their behavior isn’t a reflection of them as an individual or you and your partner as parents. Jealousy is a feeling that can just happen sometimes.

If you and your partner are having a hard time navigating and balancing it all, Fox Child and Family Therapy is here to help. Working with a trained and licensed mental health professional can help you and your child get to the root cause of their feelings of jealousy. Individual or family therapy may be exactly what you and your child need in order to move forward in a healthy and positive way. Our team of therapists is here to help you when you’re ready. Reach out to us today at  913-229-5691 to set up a consultation.